Recovery

After surgery, I stayed in the hospital for 3 days. I went home Sunday at around 3pm. I had such a sense of relief and release as we drove away. I felt so lucky, blessed, fortunate to be leaving the hospital and to be going home to my son and family. Life was good that sunny, beautiful day. God was definitely smiling down on me. When we arrived home, Jay was sitting on his Gram's lap in the kitchen and I peeked my head around the corner. He looked at me with the biggest smile and a surprised look on his face. I walked and sat down and held him in my arms. He laughed and hugged me back. It was a beautiful moment and I cried tears of happiness to be back with my family. Jay seemed to be like, "Oh, there you are! I missed you!" It was THE best way to come home after being away for such a scary thing.  The days after coming home were tired and sore days. I did a whole lot of nothing. I had no energy and felt depressed and just wanted to sleep. It was hard for me because I wanted to play and take care of Jay but, my body  had other plans. I had to rest. I had to take care of myself before I could take care of anyone else. By Thursday, my mother in law decided she would return home to Delaware. We thought it would be good to go along with her. So, we packed up the car and drove 2 1/2 hours to her house where we stayed for the weekend. While we were driving, I began telling Jason that I just don't feel like myself. I don't feel happy. We had just gotten a call that morning from the nurse and she gave us the news of my negative biopsy reports. At that moment, we are overjoyed with the news. But, inside I did not feel completely happy. It is hard to explain.  I was still in shock from the first diagnosis and now you are telling me everything is fine? So, while riding along with Jason, I just cried and cried. I wanted him to  know that I know myself and I know that who I am now is not who I was before. I wanted me back and I didn't know how to get back there. A few days later, I met with a wonderful lady named Judi, who is a licensed therapist that my mother in law wanted me to talk to. I had no problem doing that...I wanted help and I knew I needed it after what I just went through physically and mostly emotionally.  We talked for an hour and she really spoke to me. She said things exactly how I was feeling and thinking. It was amazing how she could get right to the heart of me. She said in order to recover, I have to get my mind right and that is part of the reason this blog came to life!

*Jay just woke up from his nap so more about this journey later...*