Cancer is a funny thing

I learned a lot about having cancer and here are some things I found out...
1.  It is a weird feeling to know there is something inside of you that wants to harm you and possibly kill you. It's even more weird to know this when you are not feeling "sick."
2. Cancer knows no age. It does not care if you are healthy, have a family, a job, and life you love...
3. To get through anything, you need people. The support I received was amazing and is truly one of the reasons I was able to get through this scary time.
4. Some people do not know what to say or how to act if they are around someone with cancer. It is true! I witnessed it. Strange, I know...
5. Prayer is an amazing thing! I had people praying for me...people I have never met, people who live states away. I had church congregations praying for me. I was on prayer lists! Knowing that brings tears to my eyes. I wish I could thank each and every person who went out of their way to think of me and pray for me. I truly feel that I am okay because of those prayers. God listened...
6. Life is short...we all know that. But, when you face a diagnosis like I have, life seems really short! I realized the important things in life in a really short amount of time. Love your friends and family, be good to each other, be happy and smile, and take each moment as it comes to you, are some of the things I vow to continue doing now that life gave me a second chance!
7. It's important to reflect and give yourself some "me" time. During the whole diagnosis-surgery time. I really tried to keep it together. I kept on working and being normal because I didn't want to stay home and wallow in my self-pity. However, almost every day I would come home and cry to my husband. Mainly because that is when I thought about what was happening and he was the only one who REALLY knew how I was feeling. He let me cry, lay in bed or on the couch, let me do nothing, and just feel depressed. He knew I couldn't control my feelings and I had to just let it out. Leading up to surgery, I couldn't sleep and I was very emotional. After a negative biopsy, I cried because I was happy. But, I also didn't know what had just happened. Things happened way too fast and my mind has not caught up yet! Now, I plan on giving myself time to think, write, reflect, and accept to be able to move my life forward.
7 1/2. What will moving forward look like? What will happen next week at my post-op appointment? Will the results be the same and that's it? Is cancer really gone...forever? It's hard to move forward when I wonder about the future and the scary thought that all this is really not over, after all. It's also hard because I will have the constant reminder about cancer when I have a colonoscopy every year for the next five years.
8. Stress exacerbates anxiety. This seems like a no-brainer. I had additional stress in my life at the time of my diagnosis/surgery. It brought out the worst (and I mean WORST) in the people involved and made my life a living hell. I was a wreck...see #4. I am so glad to be past the cancer and the drama that was not needed nor should have occurred to me or anyone involved. Drama does not look good on anyone! Compassion and empathy are much prettier!
9. Johns Hopkins Hospital is an amazing place to go if you have an illness. I am so fortunate to have had the opportunity to go there in the small time frame I did. Everyone was professional and kind. It really made me feel better about my situation. That makes me think of a nice lady who we met when I was having my CT scan. She had bone cancer. She had been through quite a lot. It makes me think my situation was nothing compared to her's and many others which leads to #10...
10.  I am so blessed. When we left JHH after my surgery, I felt guilty. It's weird, I know. I knew there were other people in my building with the same problem as me. They weren't leaving to go home. They weren't out in the beautiful sunlight. I felt such relief and release but guilt that I was able to just go home after 3 days...What about those other people? What would happen to them? Why me but why not me? Such a strange feeling.